And let's count down the journey.

It's so sad that it has to come to an end. No matter what it is, it might be bad or may be really awesome, but once it is over, I wistfully hope it could last a little but longer. Is it a sadness or what? Shouldn't I be happy!! Probably, because I'm so used to the way my life is the last 2 and a half years and now it is changing in a way that even I am not able what's gonna come up. So tired being here, mentally. Although I already made the decision, it's a 2-blade decision. I might be so dissappointed or could be very sprightly. Hate to wait anyhow. A few months later, I should give myself an answer which direction I will be heading. If one could collect a waiting time. one could have had another life. Just like having the Doraemon clock, we wouldn't waste a precious time. Right now I feel like I'm incomplete. There is a hole somewhere on my body or on inner. Just don't know how to fill it up. I hadn't written on this blog for a long time, cuz lately I didn't feel "bad." HERRR!!!!!!!!!! One concern is that all these 2 years, my being in Bkk is ........... I'm such a hermit here. Rarely talk to old friends, rarely ..... miss the old days. I must be really old now, cuz longing for and daydreaming about old are the stuff old people usually do.

Released

I have thought about this issue many times. Well, when we create constraints or boundaries of one's ability to meet or choose what is suitable for oneself. Such a weird situation isn't it. I have observed this situation when I'm abroad. I think because there are not many Thai students in my school, they tend to form a "group." That's not bizarre. But what strange is that ... many may perceive it as a normal situation. To me it's such an aberration. It's so ridiculous that I as a third person that being coerced to listen to what irratable stories of those persons. And it's keep happening again and again. Some time I just can't put up with these. Well, outside it seems as if I was so into it ... I was consciously listening to what they were telling although it may have been the fourth or fifth time I heard that story.
Why friends .. well let me deifine a word " friend." To me, a friend is person that I can spend my time with without being annoyed or if there is, that's because I choose to be in that situation to ease my friend or for whatever reason is. Basically, my definition is so so simple. But here because of many factors. There is a force that pushes and pushes and pushes some body or even me some times to be in an unpleasant situation that we have no choice. Why are they still together, spending time together despite expressing or even cursing the other persons secretly ... to me. How can one be so loquacious to a point that I would want to run away or to be a deaf at the moment. I am desperate to finding a new nest, but who knows it would be better or even worse. We never knows until it has arrived.

momento

Have you ever felt like this??? Recently I have had this feeling quite often. I feel like I am stuck at a point again. Like my life is a stair and I gotta get stuck somewhere and have to work my way up again and again. It never ends. At first reaching a new level, my life seems interesting. Everything is so fresh. New Challenges. Starting Off again!! Then, when I get stuck at somewhere too long or long enough to make me feel that it's time to move on. Moving on is not easy as I blow. I mean I gotta to do something extra, unsual stuff that would impact on my being. At this moment I wondered if I could ever want to be in a lower step as I am right now. As if I would be glad. And I just know that I would be happy though ... for a while and then feel uncomfortable with the situation and I wouldn't be able to stand it anymore and finally I would push myself out of that position.
Now I'm on a step for quite some time. It might not be a right time to go up or would it be better if went the otheway on sidewalks. Working my way, building up something that I don't know that would exist or that would better my position.
How would I know this is it ? This is the right moment to be climbing up there. Who knows if I am ready or not. Some time we aren't prepared to hit a ceiling, but the ceiling just gets down right on our head.

Which way?

Recently, I've gotta make a "vital"decision. Basically, there are 3-4 choices that I can go. One way is a long way with some interesting stuff I would be learning, but probably I might get bored and too tired of this journey. Another choice is "cut and dry." just as it is, quick. But it might not be a most efficient way. I pretty much know that at the first place of embarking on this way, I would be happy, fun and fullfilled. Somehow in the future ,not knowing how far after it has begun, I would be sick of that life and that crappy haunting boring fucking retard life. The third choice is to start a short journey, just like a quick trip and would benefit my life all that much. This is the choice I've had in mind. But pretty hard to work on it also since there are a lot of tasks I have to overcome. I am so excited of this coming future. :) Just pretty fucking tired of thinkinh thoroughly of which way I should be going since we never know what is going to happen in the rest of our choices. If only we could seperate our life into three and make the most out of it and pick the best, ultimately best one.

A brain cleaner :P

Wouldn’t it be great if we could choose what memories we wanted to keep or to be deleted? I believe that everyone has some sort of bitter experiences needed to forget or be buried deep down as deep as the Earth would allow. Many times I see something or hear some story that remind me of unforgettable incident, not in a good sense, an alternative or at least my first and last thing I would do is to be alone, cheer myself up the a point that no one would catch me. But only if we could turn back time or have a magic pill or a thumb drive that could plug in directly to put a part of our brain that stores all memories. We could just transfer those memories or trash them. I was just daydreaming. Can we just erase bad memories as if double clicking a mouse? Isn’t it great!! Please some crazy scientist … please invent this device or come up with something that we could rely on in eliminating unnecessary memories.

Deep, Dark, Dorky??

How would you rate these kinds of people and how do you define those people? Many times you couldn't tell by looking their face or having a small talk with them. How ??...

Got Back from Chicago

........ I love NY .........

A human counter

Wouldn't it be nice if each individual has a counter beneath skin somewhere. This counter can number how far we have travelled, not only by foot. Whenever we flied or rid any transportation, this counter would process precisely how far we go. That's a crazy idea. Some time I just want to know something that a human being is not able to figure it out. Like . .. . how far would I be alive? Lately I often keep falling into my past life, thinking about every little detail. Why did I do that? What's the insight behind my behevior? Taking some psychology class would be helpful hahaha. It's quite difficult some time to read any body language. Can't they just burst it out loud? I just didn't pay any attention to whatever they were trying to tell me. If we could just read people's mind, or should I pray for a device that when we wear it, we could read, know every detail what others think. Such a weak.... It's like a mid game also. ... keep playing, playing and playing.
When I woke up today, it was 5.55 am. Quite early huh? I was laughing though.

How can we stay alive without boreness?

It seems impossible, at least for me, to be at one place for a long long time and still be excitied with the environment and life style. That's ironic. While I was working, I thought that my study life would be very intriguing. Well, it is. But it's not gonna last since I will graduate this December. I have a idea of taking another Master's Degree. That's another choice of my being lazy.

26 days in Bangkok

I never thought I would have such a short stay in Bangkok. The time passed by so quick like a breeze. One sentence in Econ Class just striked me so bad " When resouces are limited, they are priceless." besides, that resource is Time. No one would argue that time is purchasable. I mean you could buy others' people time, but not yours. The days I was in Bangkok I was with my family, met up with a lot of friends and enjoyed a travel to Southern Thailand. The whole year and 8 month was squeezed into a hole inside, waiting for a right moment to be released. And the day arrived. I went crazy when I was in Bangkok as if all of the "things" in the hole was pushed by an irresistable force ... it exploded, everthing was released. Proabably, that was the reason why I was exhausted happily, though.