the same conclusion

It's been running into my head for quite a while. I know the consequence, which I am ready to accept that however, I keep lingering on, delaying for the sake of what!! Seems nobody wants to be a bad guy, but in the end it seems I may not be able to escape from this accuse. No matter how I do or try to minimize damage the last chapter will still be the same. So ... just burst it out and end it.

first rain of this year

It's such a pleasure sitting hearing the sound of rain dropping.  lately, I'm completely busy with my thought.  I can't just let it go.  it's still running inside no matter what I am doing or what I am thinking.  It buries itself in my deep consciousness.  It is not really painful, but it's bugging though.  rain rain rain ... please falling down ... purifies me, getting rid of wasteful stuff of me ... inside.  Wouldn't it be nice touching rain, hearing it while being outside of the city.   It's totally different.  I just need a rest, going somewhere far away to clear my head to realize what I stand at and what direction should I head.  

what is going on in my life?

Be patient!  I am so sick of the word.  I am so bored with my work life.  Isn;t it because it is not challenging enough or isn't it because it is not what I really want to do.  How long would it take me to reach my short-term goal?  How can I define "short-term?  A year or a few years?  I first should try to get CFA as soon as I can.  Also I should make contacts with people in the industry.  Um...let start this Wednesday.  Be a man from NY again ... just be confident .. be cheerful and be sociable which I know absolutely that I can to turn on the mode but just ...hold on to something.  I dont now what it is ..but it's just so confusing.

I Just Got it from UK ... Ahhhhhh

Come to New York Please.

enough said

     Recently, I have had a lot of time to re-arrange my life, carefully choosing a path I would embark on.  I was so overwhelmed by a lot of choices.  It's just so common that on one hand persons having many options would keep complaining which opion is the best and hesitate to make an decisive decision.  On the other hand, people lacking of those luxuries just try everything or even pray, hoping that some ray of light would filter through and somehow lead them to a fortune.  When the time that those choices I had had gradually disappeared, I felt both relieved and wistful at the same time.  Having too many choices sometimes just hinders my "visibility."  Anyway I passed that critical process and so far I am in another enduring process, which is waiting.  It's been a month and a week since I submitted my application to those elite schools.  According to many webborad that admitted students had posted some info regarding those schools, the result is finally coming out.  And I am pretty sure and hopefully that I would receive some response from those admissions in a few weeks or probably this week. Being back for 2 weeks seems not enough.

And let's count down the journey.

It's so sad that it has to come to an end. No matter what it is, it might be bad or may be really awesome, but once it is over, I wistfully hope it could last a little but longer. Is it a sadness or what? Shouldn't I be happy!! Probably, because I'm so used to the way my life is the last 2 and a half years and now it is changing in a way that even I am not able what's gonna come up. So tired being here, mentally. Although I already made the decision, it's a 2-blade decision. I might be so dissappointed or could be very sprightly. Hate to wait anyhow. A few months later, I should give myself an answer which direction I will be heading. If one could collect a waiting time. one could have had another life. Just like having the Doraemon clock, we wouldn't waste a precious time. Right now I feel like I'm incomplete. There is a hole somewhere on my body or on inner. Just don't know how to fill it up. I hadn't written on this blog for a long time, cuz lately I didn't feel "bad." HERRR!!!!!!!!!! One concern is that all these 2 years, my being in Bkk is ........... I'm such a hermit here. Rarely talk to old friends, rarely ..... miss the old days. I must be really old now, cuz longing for and daydreaming about old are the stuff old people usually do.

Released

I have thought about this issue many times. Well, when we create constraints or boundaries of one's ability to meet or choose what is suitable for oneself. Such a weird situation isn't it. I have observed this situation when I'm abroad. I think because there are not many Thai students in my school, they tend to form a "group." That's not bizarre. But what strange is that ... many may perceive it as a normal situation. To me it's such an aberration. It's so ridiculous that I as a third person that being coerced to listen to what irratable stories of those persons. And it's keep happening again and again. Some time I just can't put up with these. Well, outside it seems as if I was so into it ... I was consciously listening to what they were telling although it may have been the fourth or fifth time I heard that story.
Why friends .. well let me deifine a word " friend." To me, a friend is person that I can spend my time with without being annoyed or if there is, that's because I choose to be in that situation to ease my friend or for whatever reason is. Basically, my definition is so so simple. But here because of many factors. There is a force that pushes and pushes and pushes some body or even me some times to be in an unpleasant situation that we have no choice. Why are they still together, spending time together despite expressing or even cursing the other persons secretly ... to me. How can one be so loquacious to a point that I would want to run away or to be a deaf at the moment. I am desperate to finding a new nest, but who knows it would be better or even worse. We never knows until it has arrived.